Well, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
Well, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
seeya
dan
I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
A 75 year old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week.
A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my husband."
The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week. The 80 year old husband replied, "Which days?"
The doctor answered, "Monday, Wednesday, and Friday would be ideal."
The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday, and Wednesday but on Fridays, she'll have to take the bus."
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
An old man was eating lunch at a mall food court and he noticed a teenager with spiked hair and each spike was a different color - red, blue, green, orange, and yellow.
Every time the teenager looks over he sees the old man staring at him.
This goes on for a while and finally the teen said to the old man "What's your problem old man, haven't you ever done something crazy in your life?"
Without hesitation the old man says "Yeah. I got so drunk one time. I hooked up with a parakeet and I was just wondering if you were my son."
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
Originally Posted by badrose
"It's a mere moment in a man's life between an All-Star Game and an Old-Timers Game." - Vin Scully
A married couple in their early 60s were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband."
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... the husband became 92 years old.
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
A guy driving a Prius pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Prius rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Prius!"
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone."
The driver of the Prius says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Prius!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Prius says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Prius!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Prius says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Prius!"
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls.
The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce. So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Prius, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Prius parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls gets out and knocks on the Prius.
When there isn't any answer, he knocks and knocks and eventually the owner sticks his head out, soaking wet.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls states arrogantly.
The driver of the Prius looks at him and says, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THAT?"
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
A Native American boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?"
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm," she said.
Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"
"Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her," she replied.
He then asked, "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"
"We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived," the mother replied.
The mother paused and said to her son, "Tell me, Torn Condom, why are you so curious?"
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother.
"I don't need to," the boy replied.
"Of course, you do." his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
"That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"
seeya
dan
I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is a couple sex?
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question then she's old enough to get a straight answer.
Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?
The little girl replied, "Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.
"I have touched all the so-called capitals of basketball, but when it gets down to the short stroke, the only true capital of basketball is in Lexington." AL McGuire
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.
The hunters objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off.
Climbing out of the wreckage, the pilot asked, "Any idea where we are?"
One of the hunters responded, "Not sure but I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.
He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."
The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
Re: Stupid Joke of the Day
A man walks into a bar with an ostrich one day. They sit at the bar and the bartender asks the man what will you have?
The man say a screwdriver.
Bartender asks the ostrich what they were having.
Ostrich says the same thing as him.
Bartender sits the drinks down and says that will be $9.50. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount and sits it on the bar.
This goes on for several days except for the different kind of drinks. Every day at the same time, ostrich always gets the same drink as the man and he always has the exact amount of money in his pocket.
One day the bartender asks him, you are always the same time, ostrich always has the same drink as you and you always have the exact amount of money in your pocket.
Man says, one day I found an old bottle and when I opened it a genie popped out and said that I 3 wishes.
Man says, first one was to always have the exact amount of money in my pocket that I always needed.
Bartender says OK but asks what was wish #2 & #3?
Man says that it was a female that would always agree with him and have long legs.
OK, today's JOTD was so bad I'd decided to not post it. However, I'm going against my conscience and posting it anyway. (It was a WWDD moment. What would Darrell do?)
How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
Look for sesame seed buns.
Last edited by badrose; 05-24-2013 at 06:39 AM.
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
Lol.
And I like the joke. My maturity level is set quite low.
Sent using Forum Runner.
Wow. I can see why you debated posting it.OK, today's JOTD was so bad I'd decided to not post it. However, I'm going against my conscience and posting it anyway. (It was a WWDD moment. What would Darrell do?)
How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
Look for sesame seed buns.
People keep asking if I'm back and I haven't really had an answer. But now, yeah, I'm thinkin' I'm back.
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, pauses for moment and then confesses, "Yes, yes he did."
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife has admitted hits him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tries to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, "You."
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
lol. I liked that one. Pretty sure I know that guy.
People keep asking if I'm back and I haven't really had an answer. But now, yeah, I'm thinkin' I'm back.
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home.
" Oh, Morris ", said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ? "
Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
A man in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds then it comes crashing back down.
He tries this a few more times all the while his wife is watching from the kitchen window.
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything she opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need more tail!"
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite!"
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
A young woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development
on the inside of her thighs... A green spot on the inside of each. "They
won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse."
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her
not to worry until the tests come back. A few days later, the woman's phone
rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know
what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy - - there's no problem. But I'm
wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?" The woman stammers, "Why, yes,
but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
"I have touched all the so-called capitals of basketball, but when it gets down to the short stroke, the only true capital of basketball is in Lexington." AL McGuire
OK, that's funny.
People keep asking if I'm back and I haven't really had an answer. But now, yeah, I'm thinkin' I'm back.
The title of this thread isn't Funny Joke of the Day
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.
"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
Oh.
Wow.
A couple are eating dinner in a very nice restaurant on their first date.
The woman lets go with a very large sneeze. The sneeze is so big that her glass eye pops out and flies across the table.
The man reaches out and grabs the eye in mid flight and hands it back to the woman.
The date continues and at the end of the evening the woman invites the man in for a nightcap. After the drink she suggests he spend the night. In the morning she prepares a very large breakfast for the two of them.
The man is so impressed he asks "Do you do this for all your first dates?"
"No" she replies, "only those who catch my eye!"
Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.
changing my signature to change our luck.
Now that right there is funny....
"I have touched all the so-called capitals of basketball, but when it gets down to the short stroke, the only true capital of basketball is in Lexington." AL McGuire
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