Best Obituary I've seen

[Darrell KSR]

He was a retired professor at Bucknell University and had a terrific sense of humor. He wrote the obit himself.

LEWISBURG - Louis J. Casimir Jr. bought the farm Thursday, Feb. 5, 2004, having lived more than twice as long as he had expected and probably three or four times as long as he deserved.

Although he was born into an impecunious family, in a backward and benighted part of the country at the beginning of the Great Depression, he never in his life suffered any real hardships.

Many of his childhood friends who weren’t killed or maimed in various wars became petty criminals, prostitutes, and/or Republicans.

He survived three years overseas in an infantry regiment in excellent health, then university for four years on the GI bill, and never thereafter had to do an honest day’s work.

He was loved by good women, had loyal friends, and all his children were healthy, handsome and bright.

For more than six decades, he smoked, drank and ate lots of animal fat, but never had a serious illness or injury.

His last wish was that everyone could be as lucky as he had been, even through his demise was probably iatrogenic.

He was preceded in death by his wife of 43 years, Judy.

He is survived by his brother Jack of Houston, Texas; and his children, Randall Kent of Brunswick, Ga., Louis John III (Trey) of Lewisburg, Thomas Bettis of Lewisburg and Edith Austin Wheat of Austin, Texas.

Lou was a daredevil: his last words were “Watch this!”

A memorial service and barbecue will be held on Labor Day at Lou’s place.

Donations may be made in Lou’s memory to the Union County Public Library, 205 Reitz Blvd., Lewisburg, PA 17837.

Funeral arrangements were by Shaw Funeral Home, Milton.

Editor’s note: This obituary was provided by the family.

[CitizenBBN]

lol, that's a good one.

I think you posted this one years ago, had to google a bit (remembered the fireman part) and it's another winner. I hope I have one this funny:

William Ziegler escaped this mortal realm on Friday, July 29, 2016 at the age of 69. We think he did it on purpose to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election. He leaves behind four children, five grand- children, and the potted meat industry, for which he was an unofficial spokesman until dietary restrictions forced him to eat real food.

William volunteered for service in the United States Navy at the ripe old age of 17 and immediately realized he didn't much enjoy being bossed around. He only stuck it out for one war. Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts. Upon his return to the City of New Orleans in 1971, thinking it best to keep an eye on him, government officials hired William as a fireman.

After twenty-five years, he suddenly realized that running away from burning buildings made more sense than running toward them. He promptly retired. Looking back, William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob).

Following his wishes, there will not be a service, but well-wishers are encouraged to write a note of farewell on a Schaefer Light beer can and drink it in his honor. He was never one for sentiment or religiosity, but he wanted you to know that if he owes you a beer, and if you can find him in Heaven, he will gladly allow you to buy him another. He can likely be found forwarding tasteless internet jokes (check your spam folder, but don't open these at work). Expect to find an alcoholic dog named Judge passed out at his feet.

Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. He assures us that he is gone. He will be greatly missed.
Published in The Times-Picayune on Aug. 12, 2016

[uklandrn]

This is the obituary I wrote for my father when he passed away February 7, 2017.

Robert Lee Jones
August 24, 1948 – February 7, 2017

Robert Lee (Bob) Jones, age 68, finally got his tab called at the bar of life, February 7, 2017, after a 15 round heavy weight prize fight with Lewy Body Dementia.

Bob was born in Vallejo California in August 1948. His father was a Navy man and Bob was a Navy Brat (emphasis on the brat). Because of this, Bob had the privilege of living all over the United States before finally settling in Morehead, KY after his father retired from the military.

As a teenager, Bob enjoyed skipping school, fishing, playing pool at Pat’s poolroom, smoking cigarettes, and driving fast. In 1966 Bob enlisted in the Army, where he earned the rank of Sergeant and learned how to curse in multiple languages while spending 3 tours in Vietnam. The highlight of Army life for Bob was when he got personal leave to Sydney, Australia and happened to stay at the same hotel the Miss Universe pageant was held. His biggest regret from this time was not getting a tattoo.

After his honorable discharge from the Army – Bob took a job at Spring Grove Dairy in Morehead – even though some people thought he was a professional fisherman. He married and had 2 daughters – Niki and Becky. While raising his girls – he liked to pass on many words of wisdom – such as
“Always bet the 2 horse”
“You’ve got to drink a few beers when you go fishin”
“Kentucky Basketball is King”
“If you’re too drunk to sing- you drive”
“Kill em’ all and let God sort um out”
and
“Smoke um’ if you got um”.

After the dairy closed down, Bob took a job at Blue Grass Army Depot as a Security Agent. He retired in 1990. This allowed Bob to fish every day (as if he needed an excuse.) At this time he became a fishing guide on Cave Run Lake.

Bob enjoyed a cold beer (or 3), good food, good friends, fishing, reading, and sports.
Bob is survived by his wife Linda Carpenter Jones (affectionately known to Bob as Susie); daughters Niki Whisman Robinson (Doug) of Morehead and Becky Jones Singleton (Billy) of Frankfort, KY; step-sons Dwayne Carpenter (Teresa) of Morehead and Chris Rice (Trisha) of Morehead; grandchildren Alec Whisman, Samantha Singleton, Gracie Singleton; and step grandson Jordan Carpenter; brothers Lloyd A Jones II (Shirley); William Jones (Jennifer); and sister Peggy Lewis; as well as countless friends and extended family and his favorite dog “Puppy”. He was preceded in death by his parents Lloyd and Lella Mae Jones; stepdaughter Janene Carpenter; and son in law Ron Whisman.

In lieu of Bob’s final request to be chopped in pieces and fed to the sharks, it was decided cremation was the way to go.

Graveside services with military honors will be held Saturday, February 11, 2017 at Forest Lawn Memorial Gardens in Morehead, Kentucky at noon. In lieu of flowers – please consider donating to New Hope Clinic in Owingsville, KY.

Bob will be missed by all who knew him. In the immortal words of the great man himself – “Alert, Alive; Do or Die; Take Care “– Sgt. Jones.

[Darrell KSR]