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Thread: Life's too short for.....

  1. #1

    Life's too short for.....

    Inadequate staples and inadequate staplers.

    Years ago I learned something important. All staples are not made equally. After having staples bend and jam in staplers, I noticed one day while going up and down the aisles in my local office supplies store that there were staples in a metal tin.

    Screaming out on the front were the words, "Jam-Free."

    Surely there was no difference, I thought. I mean...it's just a little piece of wire, right? Bent and sharpened, sorta, at the points, one staple is another is another. They look the same to me.

    Au, contraire.

    I splurged for the difference in price. Seemed like you could get, like 10,000 staples for $1.50, and this tin was like $8 for 3,750. Optima brand.

    It changed my life. Or so I thought.

    I then looked around. There were a bunch of staplers. Some of them had a plug out of the back.

    Yes, electric.

    How difficult is it to "mash" a stapler down so that it bends the thin piece of wire that must take all of ½ lb of pressure (note the use of the alt-key for the fraction.)

    Apparently difficult enough that it made me purchase the electric stapler, too.

    I know. How stupid, how silly, how lazy. Really, you're going to be so lazy you have to have a stapler do the work for you to bend the staple? Heck, they even make a mechanically-levered or spring-action one that makes the effort even less. Couldn't go that route instead, lazy guy?

    Nope. Go big or go home.

    I know it all sounds silly and stupid, but I really do have a "need" for these things. First, it makes life a little more enjoyable, a little more comfortable. The electric stapler is quicker than the manual stapler, if you're needing to staple more than one or two sets of papers. It's also very neat, and will staple it in almost identically the same place, if that's important--and occasionally, even if it isn't important, it's nice. Second, it's a little quicker, and buys me a little more time. Time to write posts like this, it appears, as I finish ahead of time with what I was doing today. And remember--not only am I using the electric stapler, but also the "jam-free" staples. No pulling them out of pages, and redoing the ugly mess, taking time, and excess holes in paper--and who wants that, anyway?

    For me, it's even a little more relevant.

    So...I do a lot of things last minute. It's the nature of my life. Work two "real" jobs, teach at two different universities, and volunteer, even though I've been out of coaching a couple of years now, on athletics boards and such.

    The universities where I teach are very gracious, even as a lowly adjunct instructor, to have an administrative assistant for me. But I can't ask her to get up at 5 a.m. to run off 65 copies of the exam I wrote for that morning, collate and staple them. Yeah, I should have had that done last week. I know.

    So I sit here at home, finish the exam, and run off the requisite copies.

    Printer (subject of another thread--picking the right one for home office use like this, speed, appearance, reliability, and inexpensive cost to replace toner and drum) dutifully prints off 65 copies x 7 pages, or 455 pages.

    Slip each 7-page packet under the electric stapler, and it magically staples, perfectly in the left corner, parallel to the top edge of the paper, making it neat in appearance, and secure in its hold.

    And now I head off to class.

    Next topic: How three A-to-Z sorters changed my life. This time, for real, I promise. Until the next item.

    Bluetooth.

    But I'm way ahead of myself.

    See you after class.

  2. #2
    Fab Five Catfan73's Avatar
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    Re: Life's too short for.....

    I'm anxiously awaiting the chapter on your three-hole punch!
    changing my signature to change our luck.

  3. #3

    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Now, now...don't spoil the surprise for all.

  4. #4

    Re: Life's too short for.....

    I like the Bostitch 777 staplers. I've had a lot of different staplers over the last 25 years and it is my favorite to date. I could go electric, but it is tough to pass an electric stapler around a classroom.

    Unlike Darrell, I take the easy way out and make the 150 copies of each page for my exams and pass the pages out, then have students collate and staple their own.

  5. #5
    Fiddlin' Five badrose's Avatar
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    Re: Life's too short for.....

    A little early for The Silly Season, no? Hopefully Cal will right some wrongs.

    J/K But it does remind me of the Carson/McMahon schtick. Everything you wanna know about.....!!!!
    Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.

  6. #6

    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Life is too short for:

    -- cheap toilet paper

    -- cheap booze
    People keep asking if I'm back and I haven't really had an answer. But now, yeah, I'm thinkin' I'm back.

  7. #7
    Fiddlin' Five badrose's Avatar
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    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Quote Originally Posted by CitizenBBN View Post
    Life is too short for:

    -- cheap toilet paper

    -- cheap booze
    I've wondered how much is actually is saved by buying cheap toilet paper.
    Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.

  8. #8
    Bombino
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    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Quote Originally Posted by KeithKSR View Post
    I like the Bostitch 777 staplers. I've had a lot of different staplers over the last 25 years and it is my favorite to date. I could go electric, but it is tough to pass an electric stapler around a classroom.

    Unlike Darrell, I take the easy way out and make the 150 copies of each page for my exams and pass the pages out, then have students collate and staple their own.
    Does nobody here use the copier with the auto-staple function??? At every school and major workplace I have been the copier can staple things for you.

  9. #9

    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Quote Originally Posted by PedroDaGr8 View Post
    Does nobody here use the copier with the auto-staple function??? At every school and major workplace I have been the copier can staple things for you.
    I do at one university where I only give two exams a year and it's done in advance. But at the other university, they now outsource all printing jobs. As long as I do it a few days in advance, it will arrive neatly in a box for me. Ha--a few days in advance....me?

  10. #10
    Unforgettable KSRBEvans's Avatar
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    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Quote Originally Posted by PedroDaGr8 View Post
    Does nobody here use the copier with the auto-staple function??? At every school and major workplace I have been the copier can staple things for you.
    I prefer to call it the "useless because it jams" function. Because that's what copiers with auto-staple functions seem to always do with me. But I seem to have a magnetic field or something that causes copiers to malfunction when I use them, so it very well could be user error on my part.
    U really think players are going to duke without being paid over Kentucky?--Gilbert Arenas, 9/12/19

  11. #11

    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Quote Originally Posted by PedroDaGr8 View Post
    Does nobody here use the copier with the auto-staple function??? At every school and major workplace I have been the copier can staple things for you.
    Our stapler in the copier lasts until the original allotment of staples is used. After that they aren't reordered.

  12. #12

    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Quote Originally Posted by KSRBEvans View Post
    I prefer to call it the "useless because it jams" function. Because that's what copiers with auto-staple functions seem to always do with me. But I seem to have a magnetic field or something that causes copiers to malfunction when I use them, so it very well could be user error on my part.
    I've spent a lot of time fixing copier malfunctions during my planning time. All too often I've got to fix them before I can use them.

  13. #13

    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Quote Originally Posted by badrose View Post
    I've wondered how much is actually is saved by buying cheap toilet paper.
    AKA John Wayne toilet paper. It's rough and tough, and doesn't take crap off anyone.

  14. #14

    Life's too short for.....

    Quote Originally Posted by CitizenBBN View Post
    Life is too short for:

    -- cheap toilet paper

    -- cheap booze
    For the love of Pete!! Don't get him started on toilet paper. I can't handle 16 paragraphs on the subject.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    "I have touched all the so-called capitals of basketball, but when it gets down to the short stroke, the only true capital of basketball is in Lexington." AL McGuire

  15. #15

    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Quote Originally Posted by blueboss View Post
    For the love of Pete!! Don't get him started on toilet paper. I can't handle 16 paragraphs on the subject.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    That's Hort Elviston's territory. Crazy dude, but irrepressibly entertaining.
    People keep asking if I'm back and I haven't really had an answer. But now, yeah, I'm thinkin' I'm back.

  16. #16
    Fiddlin' Five BigBluePappy's Avatar
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    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Gosh I miss Hort and FootballNut...
    One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.

  17. #17
    Fiddlin' Five badrose's Avatar
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    Re: Life's too short for.....

    Who was it that told us his first experience eating sushi and the mistaken use of wasabi? I'd love to read that one again. Very well written.
    Cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.

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