So we're sitting at home the other night, and watching SVU on TV. It's right at the end of the show. You know, where they wrap it up, and IMMEDIATELY start the next show to sucker you in. Devious programming, if you ask me.
Anyway, I digress.
The dentist has been accused of sexually molesting numerous patients, including his own niece. Sick SOB. They finally get him and have him pretty much dead to rights.
So his sister (the niece's mother) sees him in the squad room, in custody, and starts screaming at him. He screams back.
I don't quite get what he said. I ask my wife, "What did he say?"
She says, "I think he said, 'She's got shoes, and she always has."
I said, "Well, of course she has shoes. She's wearing them. They're a middle class family, and they can afford shoes. They're not that expensive."
Since I came in during the middle of the show, I ask, "was there some Imelda Marcos angle to the case?"
My wife looks at me like I have antenna sticking out of my noggin.
"No," and she tells me that it may not have been that. So we rewind it. Again and again and again. And we keep coming up with, "She's got shoes, and she always has."
So, my daughter is studying for a test. I go knock on her door. "Daughter, come quick." She wants to know what is up, and tells me she's studying for a test.
"It's important," I tell her. "Hurry."
In the meantime, my wife is telling me that she's missing the next show. So I have to explain how the DVR process works. Nevermind that she's had it for years; she doesn't "get" that we can just allow it to catch up, and even fast forward through commercials.
My daughter comes in and asks what the emergency is. I tell her. Fortunately, she understands that it's an emergency.
She watches it, and says, "You lying bastard." (Or whatever the woman said.)
I said, "No, we understood HER. We didn't understand what HE said. It sounded like, 'she has shoes, and always has.'"
So we keep rewinding. Daughter tells me that's what it sounds like, but chastises me--no, not for interrupting her studying, because she gets how important this is, but because we put the "she has shoes, and always has" thought in her head, and having that there, couldn't judge it on her own.
She gives up and returns to studying.
My son isn't home, but I call him. "Son," I ask him, can you listen to this and tell me what it says?"
Son thinks I'm a nut. But he always thinks that. He's pretty smart.
I play it. He asks me to replay it again. I replay it again. He asks me what he's supposed to be listening to. I tell him, "It's where the dentist tells his sister that she has shoes, and always has."
I realize that I failed to tell him it's a TV show. He thinks I have lost my freaking mind. I then tell him it's a TV show (SVU), and why this is important. He understands.
He asks me what we think it is, and I said, "well, daughter told me I shouldn't tell you, because it plants the seed--but I already told you, so I guess it's ok to say it again: she has shoes, and always has."
He says, "yeah, that's what it sounds like."
We're frustrated, but I hang up, and I talk to my wife about this critical lack of development.
We rewind it a few more times, and my wife tells me she's missed half the next show now. (You think I'm a Luddite.....). So I allow it to run and show her that, in fact, the next show is continuing immediately afterward. She's happy.
I'm not. I start googling. I try to find fan sites, and all kind of things.
Cause this is important. It's driving me crazy. Why would the dentist be fixated on her shoes? Did he have a shoe fetish? Was that a subplot that was missed? I didn't see it, but maybe my wife just missed it.
I continue.
Finally, I run across one of those sites that dissect each week's show. Well, I ran across several of them. But this one seemed to be providing some quotes in it.
I skim down. I'm reading. I finally get to "the final scene."
The woman screams at him. He screams back,
"She's got ISSUES. And always has."
Man. We are a bunch of idiots at my house. This is why I don't watch much TV.
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Not sure it's quite as good as your conversation with the lady at the water company who just KNEW you were running the water while brushing your teeth, but still very good.. 
Originally Posted by blueboss
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