I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
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I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
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:D I like that one!
Moo hee hee!! Moo hee hee!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Catfan73
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My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."
I replied, "That's 15 love"
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Today has been the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.
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The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack.
I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.
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That’s not very sage.
Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf.
I haven't heard from him since.
10,000 blonde ladies attended the "Blondes Are NOT Dumb" convention in Ohio.
The host takes the mic and shouts, "We're all here to prove to the world that blondes are not dumb!"
The crowd erupts in cheers!
She randomly calls up a blonde named Misty.
"Okay, Misty, here’s your first question: What is 2,381 x 456?"
Misty looks puzzled. "I don't... know," she giggles.
The crowd chants, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
"Alright, Misty — what is 64 divided by 8?"
Misty shrugs. "Ummm... no idea."
The crowd goes wild again. "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
“Okay, Misty, one more chance… what is 2 + 2?”
Misty pauses, thinks hard, and says, “Umm… four?”
The entire crowd jumps up and screams...
"Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
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A friend of mine grew up on a farm. He says they used to clean the hogs with vodka. I said that sounds like Absolut hogwash.
Reminder…
I got my shot for Shingles today. Just to be safe, l also got one for Vinyl Siding too!
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I almost spit coffee on that one. It hit my weird sense of humor square in the mouth.Quote:
Originally Posted by blueboss
I was walking past a sign that said
Duck, Eggs
And I thought that was an unnecessary comma. Then it hit me.
I went to school for magicians but failed the final exam
They were all trick questions
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What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
The neighbor’s kid tried to teach me how to fly his drone today but it went right over my head.
Count Chocula, the Stay-Puft marshmallow man, and the Teddy Grahams bear have all perished in a fire. s’more at 11:00.
A loan at a bank can take 30 years to pay off. If you rob a bank, youre out in 10 years.
Follow me for more for more financial advice.
Lol. That's better financial advice than I've ever received.
I just learned there's a little island near Italy with 5 million Sicillion people.
That's officially the largest number
I've ever heard in my life.
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NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens.
They're calling it the Apollo G.
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:happy0030:
I kept trying to think of bird puns when this big bird with a very colorful beak landed next to me. “Toucan play that game!” it said.
Spent the better part of the day yesterday gathering, mulching and bagging leaves. We have two fruit trees in our yard. A blooming cherry and a patio peach. Guess who has the most leaves to clean up every year? This guy.
Guess who can't even tell I did a dang thing yesterday. Same fellow. Arrrrrgh!
Pappy, I feel your pain. I have two maples in my front yard which I trimmed way back two years ago. They are still holding their leaves and they’ve only slightly changed colors…anyway, I spent 4-5 hours mulching my entire yard on Saturday, there wasn’t one leave in my yard when I finished. I live at the east end of the street and the weather comes from the west 90% of the time, so I get everyone else’s leaves, and Sunday when I woke up my yard was covered again. Today, they’re all wet with a dusting of snow…Oh yeah, I’m surrounded by oaks, I’ll be on leaf patrol until Christmas.Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBluePappy
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I feel both of your pain. After yesterday’s wind you couldn’t even tell I had the front yard all cleaned up. We’re in a 90° curve that was formerly a cul de sac and everything blows into my front yard.
I tried to ask on Reddit why my fence had fallen over; my post was taken down.
Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap in your resume?
Applicant: That’s when I went to Yale.
Interviewer: That’s impressive! You’re hired.
Applicant: Thanks I really need this yob.
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