What goes Mark, Mark,Mark?
A hair lipped dog
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What goes Mark, Mark,Mark?
A hair lipped dog
Thanks…that’s followed me around my whole life.Quote:
Originally Posted by IkeCat
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Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. "A bacon tree !
We're saved!" He says.
He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
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A group of four-year-olds were trying hard to get used to school. The biggest challenge? The teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
“You need to use Big People words,” she reminded them.
“John, what did you do over the weekend?”
“I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People words!”
Then she asked Mitchell.
“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”
“No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use Big People words!”
Then she asked little Johnny.
“I read a book,” he said.
“That’s WONDERFUL! What book did you read?”
Johnny thought very hard, puffed out his chest, and proudly said:
“Winnie the Sh*t.”
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Sometimes I get this weird feeling that I was a goat in a former life.
It’s been happening ever since I was a kid.
Ran into a lamp post this morning…
I sustained only light injuries.
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I swear my dog is crazy. He loves to chase people on horseback.
I’m thinking of making him a little saddle.
A man walks into a zoo, the only animal in the whole zoo was a dog…
It was a shitzu…
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I can’t take my dog to the park anymore, the ducks keep biting him.
I should have known, he’s pure bred.
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There’s an opening for a clown with the circus but I’m not sure if I should take it or not. The guy that retired left some big shoes to fill.
Have I ever told you… I once lived just a stone’s throw away from a family that all died of mysterious head injuries.
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It's a great effort guys, but I'm still here. :)
The bartender saw my empty glass and asked if I wanted another. I said I’d prefer a full one.
My boys and I went to the ULM game in Tuscaloosa this past weekend. Stopped in at a Walmart on the way in, and had a couple of people ask me there how long it took (we were wearing ULM gear) to get there.
"Oh, about an hour," I said. They looked puzzled, and then I said, "we flew..."
I had fun with that little joke (it's about an hour from Birmingham, and maybe I drove a little fast...)
Gravity is a downer.
…thats’s all
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That's a little deep for me.
That is a weighty subject, indeed.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people understand this.
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I’m not falling for that.Quote:
Originally Posted by blueboss
I heard on the news that some guy was stealing wheels off police cars.
The police are working tirelessly to catch him
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I heard they stole the urinals from the police station and now the policemen has no place to go
Oh, good gosh that's funny.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three.
He says: “Uno... dos...” POOF!
He disappeared without a tres!
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Actually heard this at work yesterday, and I had to take a break for a little bit to compose myself.
One of our managers, not mine, told a very frustrating employee, "You are so dang infuriating you give my brain an itch that only a 12-ga can scratch..."
I’ve got a couple of those (frustrating employees)…Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBluePappy
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I walked past a pawn shop advertising a 70 inch big screen 4k, all the bells and whistles television for only $1. The owner said the volume was stuck at full blast.
I bought it, couldn't turn it down.
🤣Quote:
Originally Posted by Darrell KSR
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What do you call a planet that's entirely inhabited by robots?
Most people call it Mars.
Tonight we are having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan in the road.
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I used to try not to oversharpen my pencil but then I decided that was the point.