PG-13 joke thread (ok, maybe you can touch R, but don't cross it)

Once upon a time in a forrest far, far away there were two adult trees conversing about a sappling way down on the

floor. Mr. Beech Tree was inclined to think it was a son of a beech, meanwhile, Mr. Birch was convinced it was a

son of a birch. About that time a woodpecker flew by and and each trees asked if he would do a favor for them

the woodpecker asked what? Mr. Beech and Mr. Birch asked did he see that sappling down on the forrest floor, he

confrmed that did, we would like for fly down there and tell us whether it was a son of a beech or a son of a birch.

The woodpecker ageed to, so down to the forrest floor. When he finally flew back up, Mr. Beech and Mr. Birch wanted

to know. The woodpecker said it not a son of a beech nor a son a birch. All he had say it was the best little

ash that I ever my pecker in.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IkeCat

Once upon a time in a forrest far, far away there were two adult trees conversing about a sappling way down on the

floor. Mr. Beech Tree was inclined to think it was a son of a beech, meanwhile, Mr. Birch was convinced it was a

son of a birch. About that time a woodpecker flew by and and each trees asked if he would do a favor for them

the woodpecker asked what? Mr. Beech and Mr. Birch asked did he see that sappling down on the forrest floor, he

confrmed that did, we would like for fly down there and tell us whether it was a son of a beech or a son of a birch.

The woodpecker ageed to, so down to the forrest floor. When he finally flew back up, Mr. Beech and Mr. Birch wanted

to know. The woodpecker said it not a son of a beech nor a son a birch. All he had say it was the best little

ash that I ever my pecker in.

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Nothing quite like a good piece of ash.


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I knew a guy named
Hunter in college but he was vegan so they all called him Gatherer.


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A lumberjack went into a Magic Forrest to cut a tree down. When he arrived he started to swing his ax at a tree when it shouted “ WAIT IM A TALKING TREE”

The lumberjack grinned and said: “and you will dialogue”


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When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.
When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.


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A man walked into the ER with two black eyes and a five iron bent around his neck. Naturally, the doctor asked him what had happened. “Well, it’s like this…I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and I noticed one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. I lifted its tail and got a closer look, and sure enough, it was my wife’s ball.

“Okay…that doesn’t really explain your condition,” replied the doctor.

“Well, that’s when I made my mistake you see. When I lifted the cow’s tail I yelled to the misses, This one here looks like yours!”

The guy who invented autocorrect has died.

May he restaurant in peas.

The funnel will be tomato.


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An elderly couple is in church.
The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?"
The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."


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hehehe. Too good

I saw an orange dwarf climbing down a prison wall.

It was a little condescending.

Sir Lancelot surprisingly has an active social life.

He hangs out at all the knightclubs

Q: Do you know what you get when you mix two nuns and a blond???



A: Two tight ends, and a wide receiver.


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My wife said that’s the fifth time you’ve gone back for dessert. Doesn’t this embarrass you?

I said Not at all - I just keep telling them it’s for you

I met a girl who runs a battery kiosk at the park.

So basically, she sells C cells by the seesaw.


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Interestingly enough, the man who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man who created the merry-go-round.

They traveled in different circles…

Ever the ladies man, William Shatner once tried to sell the idea of his own lingerie company for women.

Unfortunately, Shatner Panties turned out to be a terrible choice for a brand name.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...474f934dc3.jpg


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Quote:

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Originally Posted by kingcat

Ever the ladies man, William Shatner once tried to sell the idea of his own lingerie company for women.

Unfortunately, Shatner Panties turned out to be a terrible choice for a brand name.

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LOL.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by blueboss

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...474f934dc3.jpg


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Omg.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by UKFlounder

Interestingly enough, the man who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man who created the merry-go-round.

They traveled in different circles…

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Groooooan... Lol.

International Time Traveler Day was tomorrow…

Quote:

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Originally Posted by UKFlounder

International Time Traveler Day was tomorrow…

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Stealing it…


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Quote:

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Originally Posted by blueboss

Stealing it…


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Me too!

Too late, I already stole it next week

Quote:

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Originally Posted by IkeCat

Too late, I already stole it next week

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PM me the powerball numbers for next Mondays drawing….thanks in advance!


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Incorrectly is the only word that while spelled correctly is still spelled incorrectly.