Have I ever told you… I once lived just a stone’s throw away from a family that all died of mysterious head injuries.
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Have I ever told you… I once lived just a stone’s throw away from a family that all died of mysterious head injuries.
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It's a great effort guys, but I'm still here. :)
The bartender saw my empty glass and asked if I wanted another. I said I’d prefer a full one.
My boys and I went to the ULM game in Tuscaloosa this past weekend. Stopped in at a Walmart on the way in, and had a couple of people ask me there how long it took (we were wearing ULM gear) to get there.
"Oh, about an hour," I said. They looked puzzled, and then I said, "we flew..."
I had fun with that little joke (it's about an hour from Birmingham, and maybe I drove a little fast...)
Gravity is a downer.
…thats’s all
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That's a little deep for me.
That is a weighty subject, indeed.
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people understand this.
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I’m not falling for that.Quote:
Originally Posted by blueboss
I heard on the news that some guy was stealing wheels off police cars.
The police are working tirelessly to catch him
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I heard they stole the urinals from the police station and now the policemen has no place to go
Oh, good gosh that's funny.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three.
He says: “Uno... dos...” POOF!
He disappeared without a tres!
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Actually heard this at work yesterday, and I had to take a break for a little bit to compose myself.
One of our managers, not mine, told a very frustrating employee, "You are so dang infuriating you give my brain an itch that only a 12-ga can scratch..."
I’ve got a couple of those (frustrating employees)…Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBluePappy
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I walked past a pawn shop advertising a 70 inch big screen 4k, all the bells and whistles television for only $1. The owner said the volume was stuck at full blast.
I bought it, couldn't turn it down.
🤣Quote:
Originally Posted by Darrell KSR
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What do you call a planet that's entirely inhabited by robots?
Most people call it Mars.
Tonight we are having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan in the road.
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I used to try not to oversharpen my pencil but then I decided that was the point.
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
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:D I like that one!
Moo hee hee!! Moo hee hee!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Catfan73
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My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."
I replied, "That's 15 love"
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Today has been the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.
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The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack.
I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.
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That’s not very sage.
Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf.
I haven't heard from him since.
10,000 blonde ladies attended the "Blondes Are NOT Dumb" convention in Ohio.
The host takes the mic and shouts, "We're all here to prove to the world that blondes are not dumb!"
The crowd erupts in cheers!
She randomly calls up a blonde named Misty.
"Okay, Misty, here’s your first question: What is 2,381 x 456?"
Misty looks puzzled. "I don't... know," she giggles.
The crowd chants, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
"Alright, Misty — what is 64 divided by 8?"
Misty shrugs. "Ummm... no idea."
The crowd goes wild again. "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
“Okay, Misty, one more chance… what is 2 + 2?”
Misty pauses, thinks hard, and says, “Umm… four?”
The entire crowd jumps up and screams...
"Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
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A friend of mine grew up on a farm. He says they used to clean the hogs with vodka. I said that sounds like Absolut hogwash.
Reminder…
I got my shot for Shingles today. Just to be safe, l also got one for Vinyl Siding too!
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I almost spit coffee on that one. It hit my weird sense of humor square in the mouth.Quote:
Originally Posted by blueboss
I was walking past a sign that said
Duck, Eggs
And I thought that was an unnecessary comma. Then it hit me.
I went to school for magicians but failed the final exam
They were all trick questions
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