Articles by Category
April 1, 2022
LEXINGTON, Ky -- Moises Globaly, a 7'1 PG from Mozambique, has committed to play for the University of Kentucky, surreal sources say.
"I am excited to be coming to the University of Kentucky," Globaly said. "Although it is over 4,000 miles from home, I have fallen in love with Coach Cal and the Wildcats, and want to play for him."
Globaly, who plays in the Fabri Kation League (FAKE) and averaged 35 ppg, 11 rebounds, and 18 assists, speaks six languages fluently. Although he was the most highly sought FAKE prospect, Globaly refused to be compensated, as he is heir to the Mozambican throne, and is a genuine suppositious Prince worth billions.
Coach Calipari was ecstatic over his new recruit. "Moises is the kind of kid you dream about," John Calipari inventively explained. "As we all know, the Wildcat fans have been without a championship for 10 years now, and it's time for that to end."
He continued, "I went to sleep last night thinking about how to get Kentucky back to the promised land, and then Moises was conceived, and he was almost unreal. Dreamy, certainly. He insisted on me promising to be at UK for 10 more years, as he has brothers that are committing to play for me and Kentucky as well.
Kentucky was aided in the recruiting process by the equestrian department and Keeneland according to Globaly, and moreover, although Globaly is a fantastical prospect, he has no desire to go to the NBA now, or ever. "My father wishes to introduce horses to our countryside," Globaly explained. "I enjoy basketball, but I have no desire to play past my four years in college, or perhaps five if I can qualify as a grad student, as I want to take my equestrian degree and help set up the horse farms like we see around Lexington. But first, I want to win four or 5 NCAA titles and have my brothers follow me to win 10 more after that."
Besides Globaly's family, Globaly believes he can help recruit the best of the best to Kentucky as well. "My Dad wishes to sponsor many NIL deals," Globaly explained. "Our family business has an extra $40 million per year set aside for these deals. We hope to make them with players who are affiliated with schools known for their connection to the horse racing industry." When asked if that might include Louisville, Globaly laughed. "That school," he asked? "No, we would be afraid of what we might catch if we got close to that school. We have standards."
At 7'1, Globaly is believed to be the tallest point guard in the University of Kentucky's storied history, and the tallest point guard ever to play in the college or pro game. He is reported to jump out of this world, and his 69.8% shooting from way, way, beyond the arc was unheard of in the FAKE League, and stretched the imagination and zone defenses to points neither could comfortably rest. But perhaps his greatest asset is his court vision, pinpoint passing, and incredible unselfishness. Globaly's "aw, shucks" attitude about it belies his true abilities.
Kentucky's recruiting class instantly became the # 1 class of all time, surpassing their all-time record class with just one recruit that is almost unimaginable. "Globaly is an unthinkable, and implausible recruit who has been so illusive he has never made our recruiting rankings," one recruiting analyst who asked not to be named (cough-Clark Francis-cough) said. "But that doesn't mean he isn't a phantasmagorical player, because he is exactly that."
Perhaps of greater news for Kentucky fans is that Globaly is not alone. "My little brother, Dubious is a little better than I am," Globaly said. The Dubious story is that he's a little bigger, at 7'4, and shoots a little better inside and out than Moises. "It's Dubious that really wants to come to UK," Globaly said. "I'm just getting there a little before the Dubious player (and our younger brothers) hit the bluegrass."
KSR Twitter Feed
vBulletin Message