Cash and Meth in my vagina not mine, don't know how it got there

[Darrell KSR]

I'll have to ask my brother, who lives in West Monroe, Louisiana if he has the "inside scoop."

https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/police-woman-found-meth-vagina-claims-64865203?cid=social_twitter_abcn

[blueboss]

Maybe that’s where all the missing socks end up that get lost in driers. They mysteriously get teleported to various women’s vaginas around the world.


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[CitizenBBN]

That's what happens when you don't keep your vagina with you all day. Absentmindedly leave it on a park bench or a bus or something and goodness knows what may happen to it.

In fairness I've known a few girls who honestly wouldn't know what or who was in their vagina from time to time....

[kingcat]

I notice she doesn’t have a lawyer yet. I would doubt there is one anywhere who will defend her claims

..or be interviewed anyway

[Darrell KSR]

I notice she doesn’t have a lawyer yet. I would doubt there is one anywhere who will defend her claimsIt would be very fun to try.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution would have you believe that we all know where our vaginas are at all times. Instead, sometimes those things have a mind of their own .

They go out to play, and we lose track of them. We're not sure who they're playing with, if they are the right type of people or they are hanging out with the wrong crowd. We try to teach them right from wrong, tell them not to take candy from strangers, and to always play safe, and not play in the street.

But they don't listen.

They get people in trouble, and they get in trouble with them. And we don't find out about it sometimes for months at a time until it is too late. So why, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, would we possibly believe the prosecutor's cockamamie story that seemed to indicate we knew what was going on at the time. It's just not reality.

[kingcat]

Hehe. I ask the court, can any woman here claim she hasn’t had something that dont belong to her in her vagina?

[Darrell KSR]

Hehe. I ask the court, can any woman here claim she hasn’t had something that dont belong to her in her vagina?Co-counsel!

[dan_bgblue]

If you two take the case, please let me know the hearing dates and venues. I do not want to miss being in the gallery. There is no way that the judge and the folks in the jury box will be able to keep straight faces, and the courtroom will likely have to be cleared more than once.

If ya'll try just a bit, this might rival the spoonman thread

[dan_bgblue]

And by the way, I recommend that your potential client keep that thing on a leash.

[CitizenBBN]

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, surely we can all recall the days of your youth, when our genitalia did a lot of our thinking for us. Have not the great philosophers through the ages oft waxed poetic on men thinking with their "other" head? Have we not evolved enough to put that sexist distinction behind us and realize that women too can have a vagina that is independent of themselves in the same way as a man?

My client sits today before you, legs firmly crossed, as a victim of her womanhood. A burden she has carried since birth, only to have it turn on her in this heinous and criminal manner, despite the regular attention it has been given.

Yes ladies and gentleman, my client has tried to raise her vagina right. She's played with it, given it time, taken it out on play dates with friends on many occasions, only to be betrayed in this way.

Just think if you were in this situation, especially those ladies of the jury who can remember those college party next mornings when you weren't sure where your vagina may have been the night before, and see that the guilty party in this case may be sitting in the chair with my client, but it isn't my client who should be punished.

[Darrell KSR]

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, surely we can all recall the days of your youth, when our genitalia did a lot of our thinking for us. Have not the great philosophers through the ages oft waxed poetic on men thinking with their "other" head? Have we not evolved enough to put that sexist distinction behind us and realize that women too can have a vagina that is independent of themselves in the same way as a man?

My client sits today before you, legs firmly crossed, as a victim of her womanhood. A burden she has carried since birth, only to have it turn on her in this heinous and criminal manner, despite the regular attention it has been given.

Yes ladies and gentleman, my client has tried to raise her vagina right. She's played with it, given it time, taken it out on play dates with friends on many occasions, only to be betrayed in this way.

Just think if you were in this situation, especially those ladies of the jury who can remember those college party next mornings when you weren't sure where your vagina may have been the night before, and see that the guilty party in this case may be sitting in the chair with my client, but it isn't my client who should be punished.

I'm 3rd chair! Let's go seek this wrongly accused person out and see if we can get her off.

[kingcat]

I would ask the jury, what is more miraculous? To create life and deliver it into this world or carry a few misplaced bobbles within it unknowingly?
And yet our client stands accused even against a precedent supported by the many wonders and mysteries of nature itself.

So we must contemplate..just who is the victim here today?

[blueboss]

Defense: Your honor, and ladies and gentleman of the jury, I would like to introduce exhibit A, “ the vagina”. If I may your honor I would like the jury to examine the vagina and pass it around amongst themselves so they can clearly see for themselves why the defendant had no idea her vagina was allegedly concealing a large amount of cash and an unspecified amount of drugs.

Prosecution: I object your honor this is highly irregular.

Judge: No, I’m going to allow it, I agree, this vagina “is”highly irregular.

Defense: ladies and gentleman of the jury, as you can see, “the vagina” still has in its possession, two sets of car keys, what appears to be a flashlight, a wallet, a bag of sugar babies, two oranges, an assortment of clown makeup, and a cereal bowl. So as you can see, it would be clearly impossible for the defendant to know that “the vagina” contained the alleged unspecified amount of illegal drugs, and a large amount of cash, and when,or who placed them in “the vagina”.


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[Doc]

Maybe that’s where all the missing socks end up that get lost in driers. They mysteriously get teleported to various women’s vaginas around the world.


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I lost my virginity in a vagina

You never what you will find in there. Once, I found a man in a boat

[Doc]

I notice she doesn’t have a lawyer yet. I would doubt there is one anywhere who will defend her claims

..or be interviewed anyway

Maybe she has one up there too :533::533:

[Doc]

I hope you guys are not taking HER cash for payment. Check will do fine. Or is it a barter transaction?

[Catonahottinroof]

He is working pro bono
Maybe she has one up there too :533::533:

[Doc]

He is working pro boner

Fixed

[suncat05]

I......don't even know what to begin to think here........😲

[blueboss]

...as the old joke goes

Two guys bump into each other in a vagina, the one guy says, I dropped my flashlight if you help me find it, we can find our way and walk out of here, the other guy says, to hell with walking, once we find your flash light we can find my car keys and we’ll drive out of here.


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[kingcat]

I think someone must plant a seed of doubt in the vagina story. And not feel inclined to cast all reasonable doubt into the summer breeze.

I would submit the possibility that the money was likely hers all along and this man gained knowledge of it over the week they were together.
And after partying for a few days and tiring of the situation,, he decided to frame her and steal her money.
After all, what sane person would leave such a large sum of money lying around the house in his situation?

So we must also ask ourselves, and the "gentleman", was he ever in close enough physical proximity and position to plant the drugs in her vagina alongside the money she had saved both honestly as well as legally?

After all, where or how one does their banking is not on trial here!
And who here doubts that he had equal access to what is basically no more than a lock box..rather loosely kept?

That being established, we should all be appalled at the prosecutions lack of equal respect shown our client because she is a woman.

https://www.gannett-cdn.com/presto/2018/08/14/PPYR/08899023-a1bb-4824-8e54-5cbd196c8658-YDR-TL-081418-GrandJuryReport16.JPG?width=680&height=510&fit=bounds&auto=webp

So we MUST find her innocent, and award 35% of the 6000 in question to legal council.
..for the sake of all that is good and decent!

http://img.sparknotes.com/content/sparklife/sparktalk/2013/SueGrade_LargeWide.jpg

[Catfan73]

My question is about that $6,233. There’s a big difference between six $1,000 bills, two $100’s, a twenty, one ten, and three 1’s (13 bills) and 6,233 one dollar bills.

Or God forbid she took his 5 gallon water cooler jug full of coins. (Got a little change in my vagina going jing a ling a ling)

[dan_bgblue]

...as the old joke goes

Two guys bump into each other in a vagina, the one guy says, I dropped my flashlight if you help me find it, we can find our way and walk out of here, the other guy says, to hell with walking, once we find your flash light we can find my car keys and we’ll drive out of here.

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A lady was in the stirrups at her gynecologist's office having her annual checkup, when she heard the doctor talking to himself as he examined her: "My, what a big vagina! ... My, what a big vagina!"

The lady was, to put it mildly, a bit annoyed. Being the assertive type she spoke up immediately: "Doctor, I can't believe what I'm hearing! I think it's incredibly unprofessional of you to say something like that. To say such a thing once was bad enough, but twice is outrageous!"

"I'm very sorry," replied the doctor, "please forgive me. But just to set the record straight, I only said it ONCE Once once ..."

[blueboss]

You all remember the the “tiny pool house” thread?

...just say’n


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[kingcat]

My question is about that $6,233. There’s a big difference between six $1,000 bills, two $100’s, a twenty, one ten, and three 1’s (13 bills) and 6,233 one dollar bills.

Or God forbid she took his 5 gallon water cooler jug full of coins. (Got a little change in my vagina going jing a ling a ling)

From observing the defendant I am quite sure they were likely 10's and 20's.

[CitizenBBN]

From observing the defendant I am quite sure they were likely 10's and 20's.

Yeah, I seriously doubt anyone was going to give her a $100 and take the change back.

[Catfan73]

I think she should countersue. She obviously slipped in his home and fell on the cash and meth and ended up with it in her vagina. Isn’t that how things usually end up getting stuck up in the other orifice? ��

[CitizenBBN]

I lost my virginity in a vagina


That is the recommended place to lose it IMO. Opinions do vary on that however....

[Doc]

My question is about that $6,233. There’s a big difference between six $1,000 bills, two $100’s, a twenty, one ten, and three 1’s (13 bills) and 6,233 one dollar bills.

Or God forbid she took his 5 gallon water cooler jug full of coins. (Got a little change in my vagina going jing a ling a ling)

It was loose change. Emphasis on loose

[Darrell KSR]

It was loose change. Emphasis on looseLol.

You guys are awesome.

[CitizenBBN]

Few of you will know of a musical duo named Pete and Wayne, they played at Sloppy Joes for 22 or so years. Wayne passed suddenly not long ago, I miss their act. it was raunchy as hades but they did a song that keeps running in my head as I am on this thread, "The Rectum of Ella Fitzgerald" set to the tune of the "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald".

Here's a link if curious. Im not going to direct link it, and don't say you weren't warned....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQ8b8jfc-Vg

Yes, this is the stupid crap I do when I'm not working. I can't help it, I miss these guys. Super nice, talked to them when I was down there. They do lots of regular stuff too, but this set at Sloppy Joes was pure raunch.

What the hell, one more from them for those of you who hate UT. Their take on "rocky top":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qoYwMEhUFk

[blueboss]

If “the vagina” doesn’t “get off” and gets convicted I wonder how it will fare after being placed in the penal system?


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[CitizenBBN]

It was loose change. Emphasis on loose

I doubt it. Would have fallen out before she was arrested. Of course if she was good enough she could have picked it back up...

[UKFlounder]

This whole story smells fishy...

[bigsky]

Okay the Ella Fitzgerald song is exceptional.

[BigBluePappy]

This whole story smells fishy...

8326

God forgive me, I laughed out loud...

[Doc]

The perps name wasn't Cheryl, was it?

https://i.imgflip.com/2m3dr0.jpg

[Darrell KSR]

23-year old woman. Shame, pretty girl needs to get her life straight. Or...wait...

https://images.7news.com.au/publication/C-392855/2980f90d77b79d598ec93dcfaedbf4c5f8b12145-16x9-x0y0w1301h731.png?imwidth=650&impolicy=sevennews_v2

FWIW, I THINK "just" the meth was found in her vagina. I think it's a case of poorly worded stories...

Authorities say a female correctional officer found, $6,233 along with “a clear plastic bag” of roughly 1 gram of methamphetamine in Rolland’s vagina.

The 23-year-old said it wasn’t hers and she didn’t know where it came from.


EDIT--I stand corrected. Indeed, the cash was also in her vagina as well.

According to West Monroe Police Department officials, Rolland had a large roll of cash, which was secured by a rubber band, concealed inside her vagina. At the center of the wad was the baggie of meth. The arresting officer told TSG that the currency included 62 $100 bills, with the remaining $33 made up of tens, fives, and singles.

http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/body-cavity/louisiana-legal-tender-214503

HOWEVER, it does explain the story a little...apparently, she confessed to stealing the cash. The meth was in a small bag, rolled up inside the rolled up currency. So she really may not have known about the meth.

While not addressed in the court affidavit, it seems likely that the money recovered from inside Rolland was in the same condition--rolled up and fastened with a rubber band--as when she allegedly took it off the victim’s dresser while he was showering. Which could explain Rolland’s disavowal of ownership of the meth that cops found in the core of the cash roll.

[Darrell KSR]

Her boyfriend's name?

Eugene Dix.

Dix got shafted by a vagina.

You can't make this stuff up lol.

http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/not-my-meth-504329

[Catfan73]

So Dix’s wad was found in Rolland’s vagina. I’m dead lol.

[dan_bgblue]

So Dix’s wad was found in Rolland’s vagina. I’m dead lol.

Oh My .:love:

[Darrell KSR]

So Dix’s wad was found in Rolland’s vagina. I’m dead lol.Killer lol.