"Healthy Sexuality" rated pG

[bigsky]

So the university has a two day "sexual assault" conference. I'm going, hoping to learn some ideas for policy. And there is good stuff early. 91-95% of rape is committed in a calculated way by serial offenders, according to a couple of studies. So that was good info.

But, I decided to go to a "gender roles" seminar. Its for students, but I gotta know more than "kids these days", so what thf heck, I jump in. The group has to "brain map" the phrase "healthy sexuality". (Brainstorm words associated with)

All kinds of terms got shouted out and written down; condoms, consent, STDs, equality, communication, respect, etc.

Two that didn't come up; "love" and "commitment". Not a peep or an inkling of that, and certainly not "marriage".

I'm an open guy and somewhat irreligious. But I felt old today, wishin I could say, the horizontal bop is sometimes all ya got, and sex can be fun, but "healthy sexuality" is something different from " safe sex".

Been bothering me all day. Understand, it not morals, exactly, because safe sex that respects and gets consent shows a lot of moral choices. Nor that I didn't speak up for once even sorely tempted. To some extent, I was there to observe.

But it did bother me that there we are talking "date rape" and nobody is saying, "part of the solution is a committed loving relationship before chasin what feels good" as a method of avoiding these situations, why the heck not?!

Too controversial and not PC.

PS but they had a "rapper" talkin "wrappers"...

[CitizenBBN]

Would bother me too Jeff.

I'm a LONG way from a prude on such things, but I find that myopia kinda sad. I understand why you didn't say anything but I'd love to have seen the reaction if you had done it.

[BigBlueBrock]

All kinds of terms got shouted out and written down; condoms, consent, STDs, equality, communication, respect, etc.

Two that didn't come up; "love" and "commitment". Not a peep or an inkling of that, and certainly not "marriage".


I'd have answered the same as the other kids. Sexual expression has become disassociated from relationships, for better or worse (I think for the better). Of course, I also think marriage is a crappy institution that should only be entered into for legal reasons.

[bigsky]

I'd have answered the same as the other kids. Sexual expression has become disassociated from relationships, for better or worse (I think for the better). Of course, I also think marriage is a crappy institution that should only be entered into for legal reasons.

And I think for worse. And twenty seven years of marriage, for better or worse, hasn't demonstrated "crappy institution" to me. If it were so crappy, gays and lesbians wouldn't be fighting so hard for it.

It boils down to "what's healthy?" I'm going to say the "get drunk and screw but remember to use a condom and get consent" doesn't qualify as "healthy".

[BigBlueBrock]

And I think for worse. And twenty seven years of marriage, for better or worse, hasn't demonstrated "crappy institution" to me. If it were so crappy, gays and lesbians wouldn't be fighting so hard for it.

It boils down to "what's healthy?" I'm going to say the "get drunk and screw but remember to use a condom and get consent" doesn't qualify as "healthy".

Well the crappy institution thing is just my opinion, but gays and lesbians fight so hard for it why? Legal reasons: visiting rights, tax benefits, health insurance benefits, etc. What's "healthy" is safe sex with a consenting partner. I'm not saying everyone should just get drunk and screw, that's certainly not my M.O., but you don't have to be married, or even be in a relationship, in order to have a healthy and active sex life. That's all I'm saying.

[bigsky]

And we disagree on both. The legal benefits are important of course, but the chance to show commitment is the issue. Otherwise civil union would do.

And a discussion of healthy should at least present committed monogamy as a possible component.

[BigBlueBrock]

And a discussion of healthy should at least present committed monogamy as a possible component.

I don't necessarily disagree with you there. As long as we're not shaming people for expressing themselves sexually outside of committed relationships (excluding infidelity, obviously), then I think including that in a discussion of healthy sexuality is appropriate.

[Doc]

Mental health vs physical health, that is the question.

I've been in that "crappy institution" for the last 25 years. Never strayed, never felt the need to sexually express anything outside of my relationship. I know many folks who have and I can't think of a single one who ultimately felt the sexual expression outside their relationship was a good thing.

I'm not suggesting that marriage is a requirement for an intimate relationship however I do believe that a commitment does in fact lead to a healthier situation. I think if the question posed with "healthy sex" rather than "healthy sexuality", I might answer in the same manner as those at the conference. However if the OP is correct in the terminology used, I think most missed the boat.

[KeithKSR]

There is a huge difference in safe sex and healthy sexuality. A healthy sexuality is all about one's mental state, not the physical state. It's not about what feels good, but what makes one feel good about themselves and helping one's partner feel good about themselves.

[CitizenBBN]

Sexual expression has become disassociated from relationships, for better or worse

Oh, it's for the worse. Has nothing to do with "marriage" (or premarital sex) either, which is just a legal shadow of the higher goal of commitment to others and pursuit of something more significant than immediate gratification.

[ukblue]

Been married for 41 years and dated her for 5 years before we were married. Knew it when I first eyes on her too. Young people are going to have sex and you're crazy if you think otherwise. Safe sex is hard to remember when your Johnson is rigid with a hot hand holding it and it's not yours. Gay or lesbian it comes down to choices. Religion matters to some and don't to others. After all our president said this was not a Christian nation now. What a crock.

[dan_bgblue]

It saddens me that such a large percentage of homo sapiens in this country have devolved to the dog and cat level.

[Doc]

It saddens me that such a large percentage of homo sapiens in this country have devolved to the dog and cat level.

Hey, nothing beats a good hump without any strings attached

[CitizenBBN]

Hey, nothing beats a good hump without any strings attached

IMO quite a few things do. Doesn't mean it's an unpleasant act, but in many ways it's also Plato's cave.

[Doc]

IMO quite a few things do. Doesn't mean it's an unpleasant act, but in many ways it's also Plato's cave.

I was being sarcastic, but I'm sure you got that. "Casual sex" seems like a fine thing at the time but it pales to a committed relationship (again, I doubt you needed that advice).

[CitizenBBN]

I was being sarcastic, but I'm sure you got that. "Casual sex" seems like a fine thing at the time but it pales to a committed relationship (again, I doubt you needed that advice).

I knew, was just following up on the point.

Hey, sex is like pizza. When it's bad it's still pretty good. I'm not going to say it's bad or even "wrong" in that context, not at all. Two consenting adults, do whatever you want. If I weren't attached and Faruza Balk knocked on my door with an offer of a weekend of room service and sex she wouldn't have to ask twice. It's just that for those who think that is the peak of intimacy, they're only seeing the shadows on the cave wall.

[badrose]

I knew, was just following up on the point.

Hey, sex is like pizza. When it's bad it's still pretty good. I'm not going to say it's bad or even "wrong" in that context, not at all. Two consenting adults, do whatever you want. If I weren't attached and Faruza Balk knocked on my door with an offer of a weekend of room service and sex she wouldn't have to ask twice. It's just that for those who think that is the peak of intimacy, they're only seeing the shadows on the cave wall.

Sex is a substitute for intimacy. It's intimacy that we all need and want. After a while you realize that sex by itself is a hollow endeavor.

[ukblue]

Sex is a substitute for intimacy. It's intimacy that we all need and want. After a while you realize that sex by itself is a hollow endeavor.

Great post badrose. Truer words have never been spoken imo.

[jazyd]

Bad rosé, I bow to you


Sex is a substitute for intimacy. It's intimacy that we all need and want. After a while you realize that sex by itself is a hollow endeavor.

[BigBluePappy]

Wow, straight to the heart of the matter; well spoken.


Sex is a substitute for intimacy. It's intimacy that we all need and want. After a while you realize that sex by itself is a hollow endeavor.

[ukblue]

It saddens me that such a large percentage of homo sapiens in this country have devolved to the dog and cat level.

I have a farm with angus cattle on it Dan and I will see cows dryhumping each other and bulls riding each other and I think to myself "good god, how many laws would these bastards have if they only had two legs '?